Archive for June, 2011


Dear crush,

While it’s hard for me to leave and let go all at once, I heard that you moved on in a rush after our short-lived romance … I can’t believe am still wearing the hush puppies you bought me, same way am still hearing the voices of you within me.

I have left everything behind but since you and I are no longer talking, I started stalking you, the good kind. I have since acquired new taste for the food you used to like, I have also inquired about the goods you used to dislike.

I realize that we were good while we lasted, same way I am left with nothing in the hood but your luster. I now appreciate the things I learnt about you, somehow I wanted to initiate a hunt to our new beginning but my feeling is;

Dear crush, though desperate for your sugar rush, lets keep with the separate ways …

The Proposal …

Hey are you still single? I was hoping that we could mingle one of these fine days, in addition also make this very simple and comfortable. I know this really nice place where they serve great wine and fantastic food, I think it’s a good plan for relaxation after a long day when vacation is unachievable. We can exchange silly conversations in pursuit of hiding our inner emotions, for a change we can forget about suiting up and just slide through the current motion …

Hey are you still single? I was hoping that I could take you to a walk inside the park. Not Uhuru, but my heart. There are a lot of things that I can’t tell you so I hope you are ready for the sightseeing expedition. I hope that we can keep a communication tradition despite the scenarios that we may encounter, in relation we should seal a deal that no matter what we bump into later, we must always have a rendition of these good times …

Hey are you still single? I was hoping that we could spend a day together. We could grab a cup of coffee seeing the weather has been gloomy of late. I know a hidden café where no one will bother us, it’s small and cozy just what you might fancy. Their great cookies and smoothies will haunt us the good kind, if you wish it can be where we hide in secret. Later on I could whisk you to my crib so we can watch House all night or better yet ignite a few flames alright …

Hey are you still single? I was hoping that I could tag you along to the movies. I know you don’t like Indian flicks but I just wanna drag you along because I don’t wanna watch it alone. We could grab some popcorn and forget about the world for a pop second. I just wanna hold your hands in the dark, forget about the film and instead hear you whisper into my ears. I just wanna be the one you have as a back-up plan, forget about your fears it’s time to get out your feelings …

Hey are you still single? I was hoping that we could spend this lifetime together. That’s rather ambitious of me but forever is a long time to be solo, don’t you think? Like Enrique Iglesias I can be your hero, so long as you will share the strife through the ride. If you care to try we can get better in time. I wanna be your rare diamond, and in relation you will the great Salmon that I salvaged from the ocean. That’s the premonition I had when I saw you … Now, can I take you out?

SPEAK!!

Speak now … because I am at the peak of the mountain. Not Longonot, but I seek to fight my heightened insecurities. Hear me not this last time and forever will it be; as this might be the end. Despite the infidelities I still endeavor to trust you.

You never say what’s on your mind, you never knew that I hide behind closed doors wishing you would open up. Inside I am tired of missing what I never had; so in line I am risking it all. I am calling giving you an ultimatum. It’s my turn to shut up, but see you need to speak … NOW.

 

It’s been sometime like 3 years since we came to an end, all that while in my head everything was ok. It started out by one thing reminding me of you, the Olay products you used to buy me, then there were too many, I got lazy counting. Now am rewinding the movies we used to love, at the same time wondering what am doing jamming to the groovy songs we used to unwind to… May be am undoing a mistake so am wandering hoping you could find me. Fine, I take it you are the same person so you could still fire me up like you used to.

It’s been a hustle finding another guy as good but trust me I did. It’s been self blinding hiding what I used to feel for you, you sure did have a lasting effect. Like luster you are still the special characteristic that leaves me having thoughts of you. It’s futuristic to think of what we could have been, now that I have seen how the past failed us. Nway, I figure that some things last it’s why I sent you this mail.

It’s so good to see that you have moved on with somebody new. It’s sort of like you cleaned up your boot and started rolling with a fresh crew. It’s cool, mine was a similar scenario just that of late everything seems to go back to my stereo. When am listening to the radio the song is always about us. It’s been a long day so just like the casualties I will pass with the pleasantries and just ask you a few questions …

Do your thoughts of me ever become sensual? Well, you don’t have to answer this if it’s too personal but do your hots for me reside still or like a capsized boat is the situation? In continuation do you remember our sexual escapades? But most importantly that December when we first met while on vacation? I am ashamed that sometimes when I am with my man, I call your name. Un-ashamed that this time I am calling you because I want you back as my man …

 

Fear Vs Love

I am afraid OF Love …. What is it? Like electricity it supplies for basic maintenance but never to infinity so I hide behind the menace because I don’t wanna run low. When its good, it glows so bright anyone can tell that you are smitten but what happens when the light dims out at the end of the tunnel? Like a homeless kitten you are left alone in search of a new home, where to start?

I am afraid TO Love …. Last time it broke my heart but am lucky I got out unscathed. I don’t like speaking about it, let alone writing around it. Like ungrateful fools are many, un-cool pretenders wasteful of the heart’s contents, it’s always hard to tell of their intent, pretentious,  obnoxious or even outrageous in the end what matters is if they knew what lies deep in me. Like an arson I want to burn all the bad memories so I can start afresh, is it a crime?

I am afraid to HAVE Loved …. I didn’t get it back in return. May be that wasn’t my turn or it just wasn’t the right tunnel through which I passed. I must have been very stupid to have poured out my feelings, now all I keep hearing is my mind telling me to stop every time my heart’s clock starts to race. Like an athlete I want to embark on a thorough training, problem is it keeps raining so am wondering, could I emerge victorious?

I am FRAIL not to Love …. It’s a beautiful thing that only resembles the rainbow. It’s an ensemble of life’s little pleasures that beneath it lies no measures. Like a dirty canvas it’s underneath awaiting the painter’s hands to do justice, anyone deserves a taste of it. I observe that just like a painting without hue is its absence inside of you and me. Like a craving we need to have it, let’s not be selfish like the fat kid hoarding his cake, always holding back, we can let loose, can’t we?

What is wrong with you? You keep me waiting all night long while you are out with your friends. Last week you were about starting a new. I knew that you were bluffing because you have said that so many times. We are the laughing-stock in the hood. In a crude manner we go arguing everywhere. The man I used to know wouldn’t do that. You used to love me in everything I wore, now all of a sudden you hate my hats, my pants, my guts, this war between us hurts me. That’s why I tore our wedding certificate, it means nothing when I have been waiting for you to act right. I spoke to the advocate and letting go of you is hard, I have tried getting rid of you but you always come back, crying like a baby. You keep lying to me, maybe I shouldn’t have believed you the first time. Love don’t cost a dime but you take all my money. It’s funny because when we got together, you  were the provider, now you divide us and I think it’s better if we separated. I hate it when you make me desperate, who are those damn bitches calling your cell?  You call our fights technical hitches, I think these are permanent glitches. No determinant that will set us free so please let me be, more importantly let me see you act your age. I can’t be with a man whose priorities are messed up, a majority of my friends keep telling me that I should leave you. See, you keep selling me that silly idea that we are married, but how come you always get carried away not to remember that? Our anniversary is in December, you always forget that, you have become my adversary. You promise to makeup but instead we still end up breaking up. Waking up without you by my side is normal, you don’t give me love no more. I don’t like to be alone especially when am at home, freshly made bread but no one to eat it with. I wanna get ahead of this relationship. Like an airstrip, I am ready to let the plane take off so don’t blame me for anything. You have already caused me too much pain so please let me go. I am planning to get out of town, for good so don’t come running after me this time. It’s not a crime to be wrong but you are always on the defense. I don’t sit on the fence because I want to but I thought that I would have saved you. Well I thought wrong, you are safe alone. Tom, I am tired of this storm brewing between us, please receive the divorce papers. Estranged Black Woman.

I lifted this story word for word from my Cosmo-May Edition. I wanted to share it with you because it’s short & sweet. It made me realize that you can run, but you can’t escape from certain things (Enrique’s voice)

START

It’s easy to forget that guys also suffer the brutal heartbreak of losing the one- After all, they are usually a lot less vocal about it. Matt McGoldrick writes about the woman he can’t quite forget.

Falling in love at work was not on the cards, but even on the first day that Astrid walked into the office, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stop it. Still, I tried. The last thing I needed was to be distracted by a smart, beautiful and potentially dangerous woman.

Oh, I was friendly enough but, unlike most of the other guys, I made sure there was No Hitting On. Later, Astrid told me this had driven her crazy. She joked about the futility of resistance. We became friends. We both read a lot. I liked Murakami and Ishiguro. She kept on going about Nabokov, but I was too busy trying not to think about how she could smell of naartjies and coconut at the same time, to notice much else.

One evening we were well oiled and arguing about Yeats. “I have spread my dreams under your feet: tread softly because you tread on my dreams”. I didn’t care for that line. She thought it romantic. I tried not to roll my eyes. Perhaps I arched an eyebrow. How this led to the bedroom, I couldn’t tell you. But seconds later, there we were. And hours later. And days. Halcyon days. We cooked, read and laughed together. She introduced me to her family. She met my folks; they liked her.

A few months down the line I told Astrid I loved her. She told me she was sleeping with our boss. He was 20 years older than us. At the time I was so upset that I hadn’t noticed that my heart had just been trampled on. Pride, I guess. I cashed in my chips and went travelling. That was a few years ago. I hear they are married with a couple of kids now.

I’m on the other side of the world. Which isn’t quite far enough —– I still smell coconuts sometimes —– but it’ll have to do.

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