Hey month,

Dear May,

I want to be a better person. To write letters to actual people and not months, like you. To stick to my policies like glue. To be true to my friends, family and myself. To be selfless and kind. To be a one-of-a-kind woman. Not to lie. To listen and learn. To teach what I know. To practice and grow. To love in slow motion. To share emotions as much as emoticons. To give second chances. To breed a heart of forgiveness, one that’s full of happiness. To bleed love, and need it. To leave behind bygones. To be blind to see good where there is dark–nothing. Halting everything, to let God reign. To refrain from haste. To taste life, the good and bad. To hush and not rush. To let go of fall and pain to celebrate gain. To let it rain. To let is shine. To feel past my third button and be real past the bosom, be deep. To let the flowers of my life blossom. To let go of those which died. To be brave and not hide from my fears. And because June, December and the rest are members of your family–to you all, this is my prayer.

The freedom prayer

I want to be free–to feel the sea when I stand close to it. I want to find closure even when I can’t see the future. I want to believe in myself even when I fall. If I don’t have anything at all, I want to dream at all costs. For what’s it all for if I cant be happy? I want to seek the Lord’s guidance in all my days. That even in my heydays I may remain in serenity and humility. I want to find spirituality and the meaning beneath our individuality. I want to understand sexuality. I want to stand in the rain and feel the pain of the clouds for they cry too. I want to look around and not search for anything for it’s all before my blinded eyes waiting for me to be free.

I want to be free–to be art. For nothing will ever bruise or hurt me. I will be what you perceive me to be. For even I don’t know who I am–I am just human. In my art I want to be conceptual while at the same time contextual. My medium will be inspiration and not you. But if you stir my emotions then so be it, I will give you more. I want to be prolific. I will not be tied down to anything specific but diversity. So I want to sin, with you if you wish. Create and experience a city of hues with you. You might be as lost and unsure as I am but fate will ensure that we are set free.

Even when I am blind, I want to be free–to paint beautiful colours. I want a love that binds me to God. One that lies between me and just one man–his eyes will tell it all. I want to enjoy life, rip its fruits in no haste. I want to taste life’s pleasures like your lips and spicy tea. Chase after the suns rays, enjoy the wines of the great and eat food from your plate. I want a peace of mind. The kind that grants me the bravery to ask for things and not be afraid of getting nothing. For what’s a man, snap!-woman, with nothing if she’s got trust in herself? Probably everything & free

Dear Fear,

Hey. Hello fear. Sometimes you are so near it freaks me out. At night when I pray you disappear but then when I don’t you reappear. You grip my heart, you strip me of my art, you rip me apart but I am still intact, just so you know. When I am low, you attack. When I am alone you distract me but by the larger part I am still me. Always will be, so leave.

Hello fear. You make me suppress my gifts. It’s like it surprises you that I am an empress. If I don’t express my needs then how will I get ahead of the rest? If I fail to pass your test, then you win. If I don’t chase you away from my nest, who will? If I say that I wasn’t afraid then I would be lying. The same way I can’t keep hiding from you, while dying inside. You no longer reside in me, so leave.

Hello fear. Let go of me so I can live in peace. But it’s not that easy, is it? If I believe in me then why do you still persist? If I resist to confront you now, then maybe you will keep insisting. You can’t be in front of me, so get back. Like a dog you keep barking at me, while I am the log which keeps lacking the strength to combat you. I now fight you, so leave.

Hello fear. You try to cripple me by causing ripples in my life. When I lost in the battle of love, it made me stronger. I moved onwards then I heard your rattle in the face of losing my job. I panicked but I surfaced with a lot, experience. Your appearance persisted as my friend jumped the hurdle unto heaven. I lost my mind but eleven months later, everything combined I found peace, so leave.

Hello fear. You are forceful but there is a stronger being, God. It’s all cool because I live through Him. You must have no clue that He protects me. That He is the connector to all things. That He is the forgiver to all the sins. That He Is the giver of life. You can’t see through this because you are blind, just leave my life’s stride. It might be a long and weary ride, but it’s one I am willing to take on, without you.

Hello fear, goodbye.

This man:

Like a wizard, he has me under his bizarre ways. I love how he sips on his coffee, how he skips on his pals only to meet me, how he leads making me follow. After a long day, he lets me un-button his shirt, if I am on the wrong he first listens to me before correcting me, he never scolds me, in fact when it is cold, he is never forgetting to hold me closer, the weather never mattered. Our combination is heightened by his generosity, when I leave my jacket behind, he gives me his sweater, its sweeter that he cares about these litu-things.

Like chilies, he is the spice to my food, always leaving me with a good taste. He is like a meal cooked in no haste as he tastes of nothing but good ingredients. When I am greedy he is always asking me to count my blessings. “Some people out there are needy but you are blessed, “he says. He stays with me throughout the year, so when they say that there’s been a drought, I don’t understand. He is like a good year’s supply, always implies what an ideal man is made of, it’s like a deal that’s hard to break.

Like a good poem, I never get enough of him. He makes me laugh at his silly jokes, I marvel at the litu-notes  he jots me daily. I adore him like crazy because he turned my hazy vision into a clear oblivion, no one else before him matters. It’s like with him I am promised of reaching my potential even the stars, I am rich for starters just because just like words, he brings new pleasure by the day. There’s no measure to the way he has made me feel like a no. 1 best seller.

Like the rain, he demands for spontaneity. In reality his affection takes control of my attention. He is the remedy to half my maladies, I am fully aware of his healing power. Every fortnight he gets me a flower for no reason but just so to make me smile. He is my light as I adore his honesty, he is not always right but wise, he never sways in his promises and I love that. So when they ask me why I accepted to his proposal, it’s because I fancy how he rolls, how he is versatile, I am into his lifestyle, his hairstyle, how he slides, how we ride and our entire camaraderie that nothing can hinder.

Hell, i’d be damned if i wasn’t into him!

he is my radio …

On MONDAY, he left me a note with a quote saying. “make hay when the sun still shines” that just made me smile. It reminded me of how lucky I am to have such a man who does not demand of me but commands my attention. With me, his intentions are always ratified. I am purified by his never ending compassion, I envy his passion when he embarks on any mission as he is always diligent. He is intelligent, always playing cool even when am wrong because he knows that i will eventually long for his explanations which he always gives me exponentially.

On TUESDAY, he brought me breakfast in bed. It’s really not the coffee but his steadfast commitment that I admire. It’s his unique quagmire that gives me the pleasure to never give into any incitement against him. With him, I want no haste but I wanna take my time. In line with that thought, I am in this for the long term, he is hot and all but I wanna see him age gracefully, I wanna turn every page of our story daily, I want him to stun the world by his goodness, shun the cold shoulder of its cruelty and in turn make that our novelty so that we can be an inspiration and an admiration to many.

On WEDNESDAY, he took me out on a date just because it was ladies night. It was his mandate to treat me like a queen and yes he did! He helped me sheen my hair then he held me close by the mirror whispering sweet nothings, just a part of his demeanour. He wanted to rip apart my sexy dress but like the gentleman he is, he waited till after out soiree at the Chinese restaurant. He always guides his restraint, never too much, never too little. When am brittle like coal, he treats me delicately like his doll, when the rough days have taken a toll on me, just his call turns me into gold. A state of happiness that can never grow old.

On THURSDAY, he stayed home with me because I wasn’t feeling too well. That’s the thing, he doesn’t own me, but he always acts like he owes me. In many ways I adore the attention he gives me, I am in realization that his candor is nothing like the gifts of this earth, his kiss is nothing but a gateway to my heart, missing him would be a hazard to my health, he appreciates all sorts of music even Mozart. In stealth, I anticipate to follow his footsteps, when I am hollow inside he feeds me with his positivity, he is selfless, just what I need. Indeed, he is not only into the finer things in life but he also tries to find where they lie.

On FRIDAY, he brought me carnations. My favourite flowers, every day with him is a revelation that I made the right choice. The height of our relations is not determined by hours but by the simple things he does for me. He tickles me just to take a picture of my dimple, he triggers my emotions just by his touch of me, he intrigues my devotions just by his actions. He rigs not to be with me but he has his sole right to share with me, I dare his complicity but he always tries new things. He made love to me on top on the washing machine, he is like caffeine, my addiction. When there is friction between us, he always is the bigger person, putting out the inner arson between us.

On SATURDAY, he took me to the park. It was serene just like the impact he has made into my life. I have seen a lot of birds but never seen one like the kookaburra we saw on that day. Same way, I have seen a lot of lads, they however left me in a hurry am glad the special one came along. I long for the day that I will be his wife so i can take the life-long stride with him. Being without him would be like an ocean without tides. Doesn’t matter where life takes me, I have already identified that I wanna ride with him, like music he is always ready to amplify my feelings for him, he has simplified my strife as now i know that I have a shoulder to lean on. I don’t have to show off to anyone as he remains my significant someone.

On SUNDAY, he took me to church even though I had trouble waking up. He never judges me the previous night when am taking shots, that’s because he is a man of different sorts of understanding. He also loves the crazy me, he went bungee jumping just because I insisted, he sent a telegraph across the world to his sister just because I suggested. He is interested in everything I do and say, you can call us the perfect accomplices. We are like a good dish, tasty and worthwhile. He is into how sassy I get, while at the same time sitting by the patio tuned into my classy radio. Not literally but metaphorically.

So when they ask me what frequency I listen to, it would have to be his (Love-Playing-Every-Day-of-the-Week

This girl:

Like a gypsy, she has me under her spell. I smell her sweet perfume everywhere I go. I love her playful demeanor that I would personally exhume if she buried it, can never forgo. Before she leaves for work, she hurriedly must kiss me, I love how she quickly tucks her pretty hands behind my back, always messing with me. I love that she never gets petty when we disagree, she acts like her university degree … I think if she were a breed she would be a high pedigree.

Like ink, she is the constant of my life’s biro, for instance I roll with her at all times. When I can’t write, she is always right by my side inspiring me and in an instant it all starts to flow. I am constantly aspiring to be like her, always hopeful and cheerful. When things go wrong, she is purposely going on about how I have to remain optimistic. She is like a mystery, a never-dying river, leaving me in dire will to demystify her.

Like a good book, I can’t put her down. When I do, I lay her on the bed for nothing but good loving. It’s like having to read over a good story, it’s always worth it. When am hurting, she is always trying to take the pain away, every time I get distracted and sway, I remember when I was hunting for a good girl, I never knew that she would have to come with the full package to turn the fool in me into a love trackage.

Like a train, she demands compulsory stopovers. She loves it smooth and I made a cool discovery that being with her is not mandatory but it’s a luxury she granted me. I am trained to love her because she is trustworthy, it drives me insane how motherly she gets in spite of the simplicity she intends. She tends to me diligently with no trickery so when they ask me why I wanna put a ring on her finger, it’s because I fancy her consistency, humility, nobility, dignity and our compatibility that nothing can hinder.

Dude, I am under her spell!

He doesn’t speak but seeks…

Fine ass babe. That doesn’t have to be you just as long as you will last past the haze. You will need to find him and set his heart ablaze because he believes that you will bind him in your goodness. You will be his queen and in return he will be your highness despite your shyness. Like a movie scene, he will be your director. If you are a budding actress, he will be flooding you with scripts, even letters. If you can encrypt his information then it will be the formation of your love’s foundation. Like a nation blessed with richness will be your relationship, full of enrichment & endearment.

The perfect woman. That doesn’t have to be you. Don’t pretend to be the best cook, just intend to be his best hookup to a good meal. Don’t bend your beliefs because of him, he is looking for an honest woman, one who heals after a wound. If you are in earnest, he will love you through and through. If you are true to him, he will turn your blue into sunny days. Give him his due and he will turn your lime into honey. You will find that being behind him will be better than any amount of money. You will search far and wide but no one will drive you as wild like him, make you unwind easy like he does.

An angel. That doesn’t have to be you. He is looking for a beautiful spirit. A bountiful harvest that will leave him feeling like he had the merit. He loves a little nasty once in a while, not forgetting a constant classy will be a worthwhile prerequisite. Be his exquisite rock and he will render you constant visits on a roll. Splash him insistently with your spleandour, he will stash your fears and in remainder be your serenader. He will love you so readily and tender, in return serve him steadily no matter the day of the calendar.

Gabrielle Union. That doesn’t have to be you just as long as you are real. Like holy communion he needs to partake you for a reason. No matter the season, he will have a meaning for your presence. He is looking for a woman who isn’t wooed by presents but one who is intelligent and sensible. You must be able to care for him, prepare his meals, dare to question his deeds, satisfy his needs, gratify his actions, quantify his reactions, qualify to do all his transactions, sanction his doubts. When he is in trouble, your smile will bring him above the rubble. You are right, you can both handle each other well. As for now however, he seeks for you …

 

She doesn’t speak but seeks …

Tall, dark & handsome, that doesn’t have to be you, just as long as you are some man. She has no clue where you are but if you are that dude, then your super glue will find her, stick to her even click with her where necessary. She doesn’t want to be an adversary but a companion to you. Like a camera she wants to pan you through, if you are keen near her, she will keep you cool, when you endear to have her, she will serve you good, when you endeavour to hug her she will savour even the hood in you.

The perfect man, that doesn’t have to be you. Don’t buy her a dozen roses, only one will be enough. Don’t tell her about your tonnes of choices, only yes will be enough. In turn she will treat you like a King or better yet Prince “Akeem.” She will make you laugh at the silliest of jokes, she will take you through the deepest of hopes, trick you with that hoax but at the end of the day, she will be the reason why you wanna get ahead. No matter the season, she will put a crown on your head and be the reason why you butter your bread.

The brave man, that doesn’t have to be you. She is also as scared, all you need to do is spare her your fears. Hold her hands till late at night, fold your arms around her when she cries, notice her effort when she tries, promise her only if you will comply, listen to her even when she is high, reply to her texts even when the time is nigh. Make sure you pass her test, show her that you are that guy, make slow love to her, take her to her favourite shows, let her flavor it by rewarding you however she pleases. Kiss her, miss her, if she is hoarding anything she will stop holding & eventually open up to you.

Mr. Know It All. That doesn’t have to be you. She will teach you how to love, in return reach and meet her half way through. She wants a man who is true to himself, a man who is selfless, she hunts for a man who respects God. In retrospect, a man who seeks truce after a fight, a man who doesn’t use his might but his wit. Know your music & she will blow your mind by fusing her muse with it. When she gains or is in pain she will write you poems, you are right she is unique. You are right, it might be the case that you both make a classic antique, that is yet to be. Better yet, she seeks for you …

 

Letter to Jack..

Dear Jackson,

Inside my heart is a war, besides the hurt is a wall that resides very deep feelings for you, it’s the place I invite the needing you in every way, it’s the taste of your kiss that i miss, its like driving on a freeway with no cars, its like am searching for a leeway but the scars keep holding me back…

I know that its you i love, but NO, I keep running away from you, why do i keep turning my back against you? Maybe it’s because i keep packing my bags after our arguments, maybe i need to augment my fear with trust, so that i can adhere to us and finally fight to win this war…

I wanted to talk to you that night when you left but was afraid you wouldn’t hear me out, so i stared at the ceiling till morning praying that you would call to seal the space but in vain! I strain thinking about you too much since you left, maybe i have been trained by my heart that it wasn’t accidental that we met, please come back…

Deranged lover.

 

 

sure not letting him go!!

We had another fight that last for hours, i am afraid that this might be the last of us, a loss for us. It’s a shame we last this long to give up 6 years, so don’t ask me why am in tears   For so long, we brushed off our problems but so long its solo now! We shrug off and walk away. I thought we promised each other never to sway? Its clear we missed the essence of trust, now I sense a lot of mistrust, even your lust for other women, Ken you are lost among men. Should i find you, befriend you or lend you an ear? I don’t know.

Years gone but now he is gone and i am left alone. Feels like it was a theft, he stole my heart and left me frail like an old woman yet i am young and so i yearn to be alive again, i yearn to earn your respect in this game again, in retrospect make me learn to love you again. I promise it wont be in vain but we will both gain mutually because even you know that we are naturally in sync. See, we are emotionally attached that when we are apart, a part of me can’t detach from you. You are sly but like glue am still stuck on you and I have no clue as to why.

Am writing you this longass letter biting my nails so you better pay attention. As long as I live and breathe,  I choose to fight for us. Not to mention, I know your plane leaves in the next 2 hours and I aint’ playing, today you will see my true colours! I will be at the airport to stop that damn plane if you get on it, you will not leave me in this pain. I pray that you will have changed your stray mind by the time i get there because I stayed with you all the times you let me down. I still shared my all with you, I even let you take me to the malls so we will not separate over small matters mr. smart ass

Do you remember what the pastor said, “never hurt her”, that was last December at our anniversary. I don’t want to be your adversary,please let me be your but your advisory instead. I know that this breakup was my fault and i don’t wanna add salt to the injury so as far as it goes, i take the blame. Do refer to our wedding goals and preserve our flame.

My friends ask me why am still with him, it’s because his name is Kennedy but truth is, he is my remedy. He is my steady energy, always coming handy when am in need of synergy, always coming through with brandy when am in deed thirsty! When am drunk, he calls me feisty, when am back to sober he calls me sassy, when am sad and somber he calls me “your honour” a classy way to let me be the judge, when I burge and bother, he is tolerant and never hasty.

That’s you baby, and that’s why when you want to leave me like today, believe me, I wont let you go! Wish me luck *