My Own Beyond Chance

I was the Miss U.O.N 2009  1st runners up….AHEM! I wrote this piece a while back, last year, kept it to myself, now i wanna share it…….

Exactly a week before the Mr & Miss U.o.N pageant, all the contestants including me traveled to Murang’a Kandara. We went there for a charitable event, lets just say that by the time we left that village, we had treated over 250 kids and old folks with jiggers too.

To be honest, I wondered to myself what I was doing in Murang’a, I kept on hoping time would pass so I would go back to Nairobi after all, I was scheduled to have a girl’s crazy night out with Wanjeri and the rest. The soil was red, it was dusty, not my kind of thing! So the doctor showed us the 3 ways of how to wash the jigger infested legs with medicine, gloves on and kazi ikaendelea! My attitude was let’s get this over and done.

I want to think that i am a strong person so I didn’t even think of crying… I washed and medicated a couple of kids feet/legs like 10 kids until my eyes caught this little boy….
So I took him to clean his feet, something inside me drew me close to that kid to date I don’t know what it was. As I started washing his legs, I realized that he had the worst of jiggers compared to the other children. His case was a bit severe. As it caught my attention, I asked him if he had ever wore shoes and he said well, yeah until they got worn out. Then I asked him where his mother was, he said she died and that the dad ran away so now he lives with the cucu. I heard the desperation in his voice, the hope that he would have wished things had turned out differently.. the regret, the loss of hope, somewhat apathetic.

At that particular moment, something gripped my heart like a vein went loose and it really hurt. Tears started coming down my eyes and I kept on telling myself, “fuck what the hell?”  These kids were not supposed to see a “role model” crying, you know someone they perceive as well off & all. Someone who is supposed to give them hope. It was bad because I couldn’t wipe the tears, as I was wearing the gloves. So I just saw my tears falling in the water basin the boy’s feet were in. My tears 1 by 1 ……

When I looked up, the baby boy was also crying! And I thought to myself what did I do? Why is he crying? Was it because I asked him about his parents or because he saw me cry? What do u think? I don’t know, i didn’t know then. So I told him to stop crying but he just couldn’t, tears were rolling down his cheeks like a river! Quite a moment as we were both crying. When I was done, with crying and the washing I didn’t care I removed the gloves and wiped the tears from his eyes.

I took him away, we went to some corner to bond. Then I interrogated him, police station style 🙂  He told me where he lived, among other things that he was in class 3 and 10 years old. I felt so weak/ bad because I couldn’t help him. At that particular moment I only had 100 bob (was a popper that day) and don’t forget I needed 50 bob to javv back home from town so I told him we could only split my 100 bob. I asked him wat he would do with his 50 bob and he said he would buy a mandazi, because he always gets hungry. Then I asked him to buy 1 mandazi per day for the next 5 days cz he said mandazi was 10 bob. So we became friends and we was chilling,  then suddenly he tapped me and told me in kikuyu, “ne wega” (thanx) BTW I hear and speak Kikuyu. Then I said “hatire na oru” (don’t mention it) then we was back to chilling …..

Then I realised shucks!! Hadn’t asked the kid his name, he said he was Joseph Ndungu’, and my heart skipped a beat!! And I asked him his surname, Njoroge, i got dumb folded….SHOCK.

What were the chances that I had gotten into a pageant randomly, went to Murang’a for charity, I even didn’t wanna be there, washed so many kids feet and not even looked at their faces leave alone asking them their names, but the little boy who touched my heart & made me cry shared a name with one of my closest friends, my homeboy who lives right across our house, we call him Ndocha but his real name is Joseph Ndung’u Njoroge, just like the little boys’. Identical!!

It then dawned to me, that things normally don’t just happen for no reason. The same way we don’t just meet people for no purpose but everything is written!!

At that same moment I saw my friend in another life. That would have been my friend, if he was born in an unfortunate world. Same to the little boy, if he was fortunate he would have been my neighbour today. I saw the same person in two different lives. Am sorry but am like that, that critical.

I was so freaked out, when I left that boy he ran out of my sight and I never saw him again…..

That night when I came back home, I showered and blackout on the couch thinking about that boy. When I woke up and decided to go to bed, I prayed for that kid. Then I got into bed but I couldn’t sleep!! All I could see were flashes of his crying face, haunting me for almost 40 minutes and I asked God wsup ??

That day I gave birth to a new ambition, that one day I will go back to Murang’a and find Ndun’gu and take him, adopt him. (SOMEHOW) He was in class 3 then, now 4. I have exactly 4years to go.. If I can’t adopt him, i gotta be realistic too, at least I can go get his contacts so one day I can check up on his life and may be one day I can be able to decipher why God made me travel all that way just to meet my friend in another life..

May be I am a dreamer, so help me GOD.

Are you LOST or a LOSTIE?

NOTE : All the numbers in capital.

A lot of T.V shows have been written and produced, won a whole load of Oscars and awards in general, remembered and forgotten, as well.  A lot of seasons/ series have been made; god knows some things got up to over 10 seasons. Well, we all got our favourite shows of all time. Which one is yours and why is it just, “that one?” That’s not a rhetorical question, i wanna know!

Could it be because it’s silly, tickles you? Or is too emotional, makes you kind of see yourself in a character and you kind of relate to it, what’s your specialty? Is it medicinal? Makes you kind of get a scoop of the lives of doctors and what goes on around the white walls? Is it all CSI, inspector Derrick? Is it comedy, science, fiction, romance, tellenovelas, random ones like the series, DRIVE? Who ever watched that? It was about an underground cult of race driver junkies who would abduct someone you loved/ close to you and make you join a driving race and force you to kill someone at every stop, or they kill your dear person, anyway that was awesome! Not the death part but the thrill. Too bad season 2 never came out…

Well, now we are talking consistencies and this is the part where you get LOST…………….To start with, I am the kind of person who gets sooooooooooooooooo…. engrossed in a movie/ a series, we all do. But i really don’t know what exactly made me fall in love this deep with the series, I choose to write about it because am strange just like it is. It is mind stimulating, superstitious, well crafted, everything I love strangely enough! Critics/ haters have said it’s a waste of time, everything goes round and round, what was its whole point but i chose to try decipher all that myself. Because it’s how life is anyway, going round and round, if we don’t take time and try figure things out then we never even see the least of opportunities thrown our way!

LOST is an American sci-fi drama series, showing the lives of a Flight Oceanic 815 crash survivors on a mysterious island. The world’s most talked about TV show nears its SIXTH and last season, it’s been SIX years since it ventured and it’s writer’s prowess captured the audience’s addiction.The plane that was en route to L.A crashed somewhere in the South Pacific never to be found, well until a HUNDRED days later, after having dealt with the fact that the island was quite mysterious! It inhabited a smoke monster, polar bears in the tropic, other island dwellers popularly known as, “the others” and most of all it had supernatural powers, that could do a whole load of things. A great example, any woman would conceive in the island but no child conceived in the island would survive together with the mum, one of the two had to die. A secret research group of scientists was also based in the island, working in the island, known as the “Dharma initiative”, there was a  mysterious number punching code, 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.

Aren’t you lost just yet 🙂 OK,  no one would think they crashed in an island for a reason, ok apart from bad luck but believe you me, this one was for a reason. It took the “losties” HUNDRED days to either believe in the island’s  fate or not, some were rescued, some remained. It took those who left THREE years to realise that they had to go back to the island as it was their destiny, HOW?? See, now you are lost!? But you don’t wanna come out of it. What they didn’t know was that the island was a second chance to life, back in the real world, it was so shitty just like it was before plus there was a bad rumour among them that if they didn’t go back the rest who remained in the island would all die. They had started dying anyway. So they realised that they had to go back but not to stay, but to change their destiny, HOW?? This needs a part TWO.

The main Creators/ Producers/ Directors Damon Lindelof, Jack Bender, Jeffrey Lieber ad J.J Abrams are geniuses, they insist that from the start, they knew very well how the masterfully woven web would end. I know i wanna theorize for you how things went on and what symbols they represent, but do you think you can handle a PART 2?

To be continued….


In keeping with time-honoured tradition, series
creators JJ Abrams, Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof are remaining tight-lipped. When asked about Lost’s ending, Lindelof sits teasingly on the fence: “Some people will think it’s enormously satisfying. Other people will think it’s not satisfying enough. It all depends on the way that you watch the show” (USA Today)

If you are high, don’t drive.

Its the freaking state I didn’t want to be in seeing the bleeding spite I was living in before. My heart just obeyed the thrust! Maybe I should have just stuck to sprite & obeyed my thirst! Like some Antz lived in Insectopia, I couldn’t ante – up to this utopia. . . Damn! They got me so intoxicated yet they bet too I was the designated driver. And they shouted, ‘screw the driver!,’ . . . as I mounted the screw driver in the dilapidated fuse box, I thought, “these fools wanaingia box vi- unorthodox not knowing the precedented danger!” That later, one head would be deca  pitated!

As I drive the Land rover, it thrives past the rest of the cars landing over & jumps over the so called late traffic lights, no screech but heights! So superficial, so official, race so deathly like Death Race, driver of race so damning like Race Driver! Baby that feeling is so despicable! Can’t explain, you can’t wait, no bait rules but speed! Its like a dive in latent water so cold unexplainable! As we cruise, we all scream in the thrill . . . It suddenly hits me in oblivion that this shit rules but so loose it freaking kills! Maybe kesho niko hosi pavilion, fuck! This is horse shit!

(LOUD BANG!!!! ) Darkness prevails ….(suspense)

When I opened my eyes, I was alone like in a dream. It was white as snow, I saw my clone looking clean …. a loner it seemed. Ooohh. . . . so my life ended, in the midst I jacked my neck real bad on the 11th hour. If it was a terrorist even jack bauer couldn’t hack that! Damn! Does it mean given a second chance to a sane life my second means to an end would still end the same way, in a split second? What a conflicting drill to understand that here I stand contrasting my drink that was so fulfilling, so I chill …. Oooohh… It’s that drug that drag me to my death. . . . ok. So I look down & see my friends & fiends all locked down, crying out for me. . . Laying out condolences for me, ambulances blaring out loud! Damn the pandemonium!

I see a policeman walk to my mourning friends, very early in the morning. ‘Peace man!,’ says the doctor, ‘none of the x rays were doctored!,’ he says, it was bad & it’s in the files…. It’s unfortunate .Its now unanimous that my clique is an x file, too late to click in an anonymous. Damn! The policeman subpoenas my pal Agripina, its alleged that she provided the booze & crystal meth. It’s now crystal clear how I met my invited end, so loose. So high a price, so damn high the rise, so damn high it cost me my life. I can’t sober down, can’t come back down even if I wanted, my honour haunted bleeds, like so wanted are the sober breeds!!

Piece inspired by a friend who almost lost his life in a road accident, last year.

Twister Love

Baby I remember so vividly. It was December when you took this heart so swiftly, that letter … Now almost 6 years later we are so insecure. Funny it still hurts, because we were so secure. It’s now sunny but I still wonder what the cause was. I feel its kind of late for a resolution, so stop trying to hate, just love. Instead try stop the pollution of feelings and shop for a solution of healing.

You see, I am still not sure whether you abused me.  Then I see the weather and  feel the reel on me and I start to think you used me. Guess it’s true that nothing is for certain, I wouldn’t have stayed there anyway hurting. Here is a tip, your guilt trips aren’t working It’s great to be in my own control. I used to think that what you see is what you get, but no you haven’t seen nothing yet because  I don’t care if you are upset. Things went haywire and  in my mind the sun went down and trust went through the wire.

I finally make a choice but with no voice. It’s not right that I just write as  I wish I would say this to you. Make no mistake; my flag is hoist its tag devoid of noise. I just wonder what lies ahead of the road, is it another boy-wonder? Or is it a brother disguised as a boy behind lies? My head on the road ahead and i wonder if its one that truth undergone destruction or is it one that truce is undergoing construction?

My hope is for this heart. That no fear will crop it, instead it will near its will and not drop it. My wish for the heart that lost the battle is to believe in the immensity of love, that the hurt may be lost in the rattle of love’s intensity. Its time to let go of the crime we were accomplices to. The time we were accustomed to. You said to me, “girl you are a dime.” Well, i still am, so you should recognize. We are now in different places but still acquaintances. I asked you then, “Do you want to be the last man standing?” Was it ten axes past the last machine working? I never got the answer in time, it was a hazard, so I pressed the buzzer.

11 Names and What They Say about You Part II

Due to public demand, we had to have a part 2 right? RIGHT.

1. .Nelson.

He is a fighter, believes in his life policies and lives by them. He is hood and he blends perfectly with it. He dresses hood too, he always got the hoody thing going on and sometimes even baggy pants. When it comes to women, he is not afraid to win any woman’s heart, no matter the differences. Nelson doesn’t choose, he could fall in love with any woman and he would never be ashamed to claim her heart.


She is a dime and she’s fine too. She knows what she wants, her goals are well drafted and she works towards achieving them day and night. Maureen is an achiever. She is however a tough friend to seduce and to please, she just doesn’t roll with anyone other than who she digs. She rarely has enemies but she will destroy anyone who tries to tamper with what she loves.

3. Benard.

Just like Mercedes-Benz, he is smooth. He has a free spirit and loves to indulge in his hobbies to the max, whatever they may be! He is passionate about his love and dreams, he is more or less like Nick (refer to the earlier part one of this post here ) He likes to fool around with the ladies because well, they like him too but eventually Bena wants to do right! He is seen as an extrovert but deep down he is in sync with his emotions just like Nick. However, Benz has a faint heart that keeps him going though! So girls don’t phunk with his heart.

4. Mitchelle.

First  and foremost, she got style! She got her own way of doing almost everything, as you all roll with the crowds she rolls with her style! She is rare just like Shirleen (refer to part 1). She is an ant and will work tirelessly even after achieving her goal. Calling her a go-getter would be an understatement. She got one helluva self-esteem and drive that for any guy to hit on her, he has to first up his game! Once you have her, be sure she’s a keeper she isn’t into dramas like the Shikos n Shiros (refer to part 1) Given a chance to a second life, she wouldn’t want to be anyone else!

5. Will.

Just as his name suggests he (WILL) always make promises most times he can’t keep! He consequently avoids by all means ever having to be the third wheel; he will always make multiple plans and not be able to attend to them all. Will is charming, he is the smaller version of Chris. If not careful he could turn out to be a heartbreaker. Will however has confidence like no other! No one brings him down by any means. He loves to fool around and stuff but when the time comes he eventually settles down and lets maturity lead the way.

6. Brenda.

She’s a mummy’s girl. She is also her girlfriend’s girlfriend! She is into the girl power ish! Will always be ready to do anything for her mum or her girls! Brenda likes her style secret, doesn’t like to see others cramping her style which BTW is reserved and at the same time casual smart. If insulted by a dude, she wouldn’t hesitate to hit him with her handbag!

7. Delvin/Melvin.

They are gems. How many Delvins and Melvins do you know of? They are among the last surviving traits of Joe as they love to praise their women but given the opportunity to show their worth they rarely raise to the occasion. Ooopsy! He is however amazingly talented at what he’s good at. When you meet a Melvin or a Delvin there will be something about them that you will make you forever try to figure them out. When you do, you will know that they are great passive friends to have. They were also blessed with a great sense of style and humour too!

8.Laureen/ Lauryn

She has the perfect name and she is the perfect person, metaphorically and literally. She rarely has any flaws. She actually makes other girls want to be just like her. She does not fight for anything; she is very civilized and will always follow protocol. Unlike your expectations, she is not an introvert; she indulges in several activities with extroverts but still maintains her sanity. Everyone wants this kind of girl because she’s the one you want to take home to your mama and aunty. Lastly she can cook and sing, real good.

9. Jason/Trevor/ Terrence

Very attractive! Please note that there is a difference here between attractive and handsome. Jason and Trevor aren’t handsome per se but they would hardly pass near you without your acknowledgment! These are the kind of dudes who will make a girl feel like she’s under their drug prescription. They make you feel like you want to get a piece of their love, session after session; be it sex or just conversations. His personality is similar to James’ (refer to part 1) He never wants to say it aloud, unlike mouthy Chris but he is also a heartbreaker just that he (Jason/Trevor) believes that breaking hearts is part of the life chain. He is not a relationship keeper by any means, but a great buddy by all means! Trevor, Jason and Terrence love music.

10. Kevin/Kev.

Fairly social dude sometimes referred to as Kevo. He seems to sail along quite well with almost everyone. He could as well be compared to the female version of Jackie. Lots of stuff just come his way and he always finding himself with several options. This is the catch, Kev will always be that sweetheart because he feels like his life is overcrowded so he wouldn’t mind having less stalkers/friends in it. He is mean at times though most times he comes out as just that good guy. He scrutinizes his women thoroughly even though he is an emotional coward who he takes forever to break up with someone! Eventually he goes nuts looking for that perfect girl who all that while was possibly right there next to him .

11. Brian/ Brayo

He is a cute guy sweet guy, either always trying to have that bad boy image or trying to do bad boy stunts, just to satisfy his ego! The thing with Brian, is his heart. He is into all sorts of things, nasty stuff and all but at the end of the day he  just cant help it but go back to the nice person deep down. All his friend scan count on him. When it comes to love, he always going to funx it up as love don’t love Brian. His traits are almost close to those of Kev.

Launch any more names for a possibility of a part 3

Bed Part II

The new bed finally was delivered, its size she hadn’t considered, well it did not matter to her, hell as long as it wouldn’t hurt her, like he did, that idiot … The house has been peaceful, the bed less sinful, her life now taking swing in full 🙂  She’s no longer that fool, so long her pool, she moved houses too, it wasn’t gonna haunt her, and anyway she had to flaunt her guts, just no one knows how deep down it hurts. See, down her heart, it still flows deep: the love she had for him …

Truth be said, she’s lonely, sometimes only wishing she choose truce instead, well so much for the good times. Now reality checks, she’s alone, her chastity breaks, you can’t blame her, the nights have since been so cold, so lame, her former knight now so gone, her loner plights now a trait!

He depreciated from her world, to her Ex- husband, word is she appreciated the sex and his hand, always had a way of un-hooking that bra, touching the right places, during “sex-capades”, caressing, undressing, kissing, sexing, adoring her in all ways! She passionately remembers how she rode on him, like a stallion, in his book she is a star …

A real bad habit is how she picked him up, an acrobatic is how he flipped her up, the other man in her new bed, never knew, never will. To her, he doesn’t even come close, just another brother she’s seen to use, abuse, disregard and discard. Since the divorce, she’s been in remorse! Signing those papers wasn’t easy, but hard, even tricky but now done … She’s now residing where they like to call, “ the greener pastures” what no one knows is that, she’s now deciding who to call, inner monsters?

It’s 1st March, exactly three months after the separation, he marched on so fast, now free to misbehave, no more deportation. Not from his country but from her territory, he’s seen need to emancipate as well, more like a clean start, you know like purgatory. She knows that she’s supposed to have moved on but suppose she can’t get her groove on with anyone else? Even worse, she just found out that she is PREGNANT.



That’s the special number of the one who leaves me limber, ever ready, he is like the batteries to my arteries, leaving me never needy but bleeding in love and then quickly healing 🙂
He is a thief who steals not at night but at daylight, never afraid of the sun but ever in favour of a son … I shall bear him ONE, one day. He doesn’t steal millions of shillings; instead he is the chameleon of my heart’s feelings. Disguises himself as a rogue, a thug but deep down he realizes that love is vogue, even he needs a hug.

The crime he commits is one that is prime; I gotta make an arrangement for the arraignment. It’s a case I gotta let the jury decide on; in any case he still slides on. As the main witness, I intend to testify under no duress but witless, it’s how silly he leaves me wanting, yearning, waiting, therein expecting…

Would have asked why I can’t get right without him in my head, let alone in my bed. Anyway though my bed is king in size, he is the king in my eyes lest this boat capsizes. Hate this submissive self I become if I miss him. OK, am nervous … the case is hideous; will he be found guilty of the heinous? (Invading my heart) As tomorrow approaches, I tweeze my eyebrows, squeeze my moisturizer figured I might as well brace this face well, seeing inside my heart was a heist, well paced trust that dude!

24 hours later, I walk into the court room my couture so extraordinaire, trust my couturier. The ambiance so chilly, our alliance now so breezy … As soon as I saw my thug behind that dock, our eyes locked, his cuffs locked and my heart broke. I walked straight up to the judge, hoped to myself he wouldn’t budge then I plead my insanity & withdrew the case with clarity. What’s my life without him in it?

He is set free, am in need for that torture in my heart.