“Why are you still single?”–The dreadful formulaic question explored all year round but with an emphasis on the period around Valentine’s Day. Who said February is the month of love? It is Black history month. As a matter of fact, love and Black history are two things that should be celebrated all year–blog post for another day.
Back to matters relationships–most often than not the person inquiring on whether you are single will not be asking you out; neither will they be providing you with a solution. They are just prying. And you don’t like it. No one likes questions with the potential of making them have frightful thoughts of dying alone-and-single. Well, I don’t.
While recently window-shopping with a friend, a simple conversation led him to ask me that damning question. And just like I always carry my lip gloss, I never miss that formulated answer, “Haven’t found the right guy”. To my surprise he hit back and said, “You don’t find a right guy, you make a guy right”—and that ladies and gentlemen, forms the basis of this post.
Think about it, a majority of single women’s scapegoat for singlehood is the search or wait for the right guy. But how many women are in the business of making guys right? We know that most guys are already taken, hardly by zombie invasions but commitments like mpango wa kandos, marriage and bromance if not the gay world. Question left to ask; of the residue of single men out here is there still a right one? As the only princess of your throne, you’ve got a good queue of frogs to kiss but it can get irksome. So just how do you pick a guy?
Simply wanting the right guy is like a hungry person going into a self-service food joint and expecting to be served by a waiter. There is a minimal possibility that you might get served. It’s however common sense that you should serve yourself even though at times such joints miss signs with instructions. That’s the analogy for grasping on a new relationship with a guy (who might still not be right). Taking the risk is like carrying your own tray of food at the restaurant. If you are hungry, take it. If you drop it, your fault. If you reach your table and have a satisfactory meal, your win.
I figure mid-twenties are almost identical to the vagabond loveless years of early twenties. However they are also times when you can’t keep walking around town hungry looking for a five-course meal while you can grab yourself a quick hotdog that will make you BOP (burp out loud–just invented that acronym) and smile at the dog’s unexpected satisfaction–we are still drifting on the analogy and some additional pun here.
I tasked four of my friends, all male–to provide black roses with pointers on how to make a guy right. All names have been changed to my four male fantasies, cool ey? Before we get into steps to making a guy right; what defines the so-called right guy? Most guys cited that there isn’t really ‘a right guy’ other than the imperfect one who you find to share with even the slightest of compatibility. So here goes (could apply to making her right too):
1. A little acceptance goes a long way
Legit rock stars never convert into country music or anything resembling such opposites. By the same virtue–football, toys and cars will occasionally take precedence over you. If you can comprehend that what a man loves is what he loves, then you wouldn’t keep fighting with Thierry Henry for attention. Same way your man would never complain that you spend too much time gossiping with your girls. Both men and women need some kind of therapy.
“Accepting someone’s inherent flaws and still living with them is love”, said Blair Underwood.
2. Seduction & competence
There must have been a reason why Powerpuff-girls-city of Townsville elected their Mayor for the position. That’s despite the fact that he hardly ever does anything. Well other than calling on his gorgeous and proficient assistant, Miss Bellum. Even without a head (Yes), she is sexy and always gets ahead in practically doing everything for the Mayor. Your man is the mayor. Be the alluring Bellum and don’t forget competency while you are at it. You will love the results.
“A woman has the biggest role in making a man. Women have so much power, if only they knew,” said Terrence Howard.
3. Trust & Play then Pray.
Trust & Play does sound like a condom ad right? On that note good sex will make him stick right on you if not by you. And what is good sex?—blog post for another day. Let’s just say that confidence, humour and the mind should be the underlying factors. A man needs affirmation via your trust. Stop snooping his twitter and text messages, get a life or take a hike. Even better give him space. If you do, even when you are away, on the hike–he will behave :-) When he does wrong scold him like a high pedigree dog, not a mongrel. If he does right, reward him. At the end of it all—pray. God does listen + most men would use a spiritual woman.
“We are not stupid, so don’t tell us this is a gift—just do stuff, we will figure out everything else ourselves,” said Michael Ealy.
It should be treated like a game of boomerang. A man who respects his mother and sisters will probably respect you too and need your respect right back. Money and other worldly possessions will never buy respect so the pilgrimage to the ‘right man’ status starts from the moment you make him understand that he must earn it. In addition respect goes far beyond how to treat a person or a subject matter. It’s how you regard their property, what they treasure, friends, favourite things etc.
“A man who respects you will appreciate your lifestyle, that’s what a woman needs”, posed Biko Adema.
Valentine’s Day-event organizers will pop up on a yearly basis running around town helter-skelter trying to make you pity your single self. Even much longer will the damning ‘Why are you still single?’ question persist. If you wish to resist you now have some tips. If you will have found a guy (or a lady) for yourself, celebrate love all year round and let’s hope that they will ‘treat you right’—my new found definition of the right partner :-)
Special thanks to my friends & voices behind Adema, Terrence, Blair & Michael.